Crotch Durability Problems

They say an army travels on its stomach, but it also has to operate by the seat of its pants. And apparently the U.S. Army is having a little problem in that regard. USA Today reports that the Army is retrofitting 1 million uniforms worn by soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan because of reports of "crotch durability problems." Single-stitched seams in sensitive areas just aren't cutting it in the rough terrain in which soldiers are conducting operations.

Single stitch seams in a sensitive place
Can make you look foolish – can make you lose face
Single stitch seams – just what were we thinking
With the strain on the job or material shrinking
Believe it or not when in rough terrain
Parts of the uniform are under some strain
We wiggle and waddle and flop down on the ground
These single stitch seams are a problem we found
Is it rank related? – Well no body knows
But we can’t go around with our privates exposed
We must protect soldiers from their toes to their head
So don’t send them out without needle and thread.

So I sat down at lunch with the General today
Who’s in charge of it all – he had this to say
That story you read – let me just say it’s bogus
They’ve been complaining ‘bout this since the soldiers wore togas
To get wearing like that is all such a farce
Why they must be sliding down mountains sitting just on their arse
Or the uniform is so old or been blasted by sand
I hate when these stories get so out of hand
So don’t listen to those newsmen and the stories that they botch
I tell you we’ve no problem when we're talking 'bout our crotch


Mdailey

I wrote this last year but hear the problem still exists. I actually did have lunch with the 1-star general Program Manager for soldiers and their uniforms and equipment. I did not read him the first part of the poem that I had already written as he was so animated about how bogus the story was.