The Green Zone Pool

Don’t leave your gun by the Green Zone Pool
When cooling off there in Iraq
Keep your gun always
Within your arm’s reach
In case the insurgents attack
And when taking a shower
Or within a bower
Keep your hands on your gun at all times
Though things seem to go well
You can’t never tell
Who or where they’re laying their mines

Mdailey
07/15/08

The title of this verse is from a report out of Iraq on the lax enforcement of the rules on arms control in the war zone. I just liked the sing-song sound of it. I am pretty sure they meant ‘weapon’ where they said gun. But we all know what a “gun” is to the military mind and for those in doubt; a bower can be a cool shady area or a lady’s boudoir in an old castle. Bear all these definitions in mind when reading this verse.

Army Recruits

House panel probes quality of Army recruits


Let us now call to order this House Subcommittee
To discuss Army recruiting and maybe give pity
To all the young folks with just GEDs
That the Army recruiters say meet all their needs
One time the gold standard was that 90 percent
Would graduate high school before they were sent
But the Army was finding they can’t meet that goal
They were falling too deep in a deficit hole
And so they have dropped that high lofty number
Now the number’s not 90 but significantly under
And now we have heard that it isn’t just learning
But the Army it seems is additionally turning
They lowered the quals for physical strength and good morals
And decided that they would just sit on their laurels
So the Armed Services Personnel Subcommittee
Is meeting again in this Pentagon city
And Congressman McHugh from upper New York
Says we all share concerns that this ain’t gonna work
But then David Chu, Under Sec for Defense
Said to just rest assured this will soon all make sense
He suggested the recent drop in recruit quality
That in “historic content” we are better off now then we used to be
Why just after Nam half our recruits were Cat 4
Which is below minimum on recruiting test scores
When questioned about increased moral waivers
Chu said “not for sex – they are just street drug cravers
That’s just a reflection of our society
These guys make good soldiers if you’re asking me
So now the committee can go on their way
They didn’t change things but sure had their say
And the recruits we are getting will just have to do
Till the folks at iRobots can finally come through

Mdailey
2/28/08

Crotch Durability Problems

They say an army travels on its stomach, but it also has to operate by the seat of its pants. And apparently the U.S. Army is having a little problem in that regard. USA Today reports that the Army is retrofitting 1 million uniforms worn by soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan because of reports of "crotch durability problems." Single-stitched seams in sensitive areas just aren't cutting it in the rough terrain in which soldiers are conducting operations.

Single stitch seams in a sensitive place
Can make you look foolish – can make you lose face
Single stitch seams – just what were we thinking
With the strain on the job or material shrinking
Believe it or not when in rough terrain
Parts of the uniform are under some strain
We wiggle and waddle and flop down on the ground
These single stitch seams are a problem we found
Is it rank related? – Well no body knows
But we can’t go around with our privates exposed
We must protect soldiers from their toes to their head
So don’t send them out without needle and thread.

So I sat down at lunch with the General today
Who’s in charge of it all – he had this to say
That story you read – let me just say it’s bogus
They’ve been complaining ‘bout this since the soldiers wore togas
To get wearing like that is all such a farce
Why they must be sliding down mountains sitting just on their arse
Or the uniform is so old or been blasted by sand
I hate when these stories get so out of hand
So don’t listen to those newsmen and the stories that they botch
I tell you we’ve no problem when we're talking 'bout our crotch


Mdailey

I wrote this last year but hear the problem still exists. I actually did have lunch with the 1-star general Program Manager for soldiers and their uniforms and equipment. I did not read him the first part of the poem that I had already written as he was so animated about how bogus the story was.

Grenade Safety Bulletin

Some Soldiers/Ammo Handlers tape grenades in order to keep the pins from coming out until intended. The tape is apparently causing some problems. Please help get the word out to stop the application of tape.


My grenades have got a problem,
The pins keep falling out
I have to grab them quickly
Or toss them out and shout
My squad is getting nervous
And bent completely out of shape
So I've turned to a soldier's oldest friend –
Reliable duct tape

Now my pins are taped up –
Never to come out
My grenades are like a man-made rock –
And safer now no doubt
But my squad is just as nervous
And completely out of shape
'Cause in the latest fire fight
I could not undo the tape

Mdailey
2/12/08

UXO Ashtray

Sometime you have to take a very serious situation and talk about it in a less than grave (no pun intended) wording. I hope no one is offended by my treatment of this very serious incident.


Dateline: Iraq - - - a KBR subcontracted fire-fighter picked up Unexploded Ordnance (UXO)...155mm artillery round.-.brought it back to his office. While using as ashtray, the round started smoking. He took round outside where it detonated, causing his death...no other injuries or property damage. Commanders are re-emphasizing UXO safety briefings to heighten awareness.

UXO Ashtray

I found this round out walking
I brought it home that day
Put it there upon my desk
In our office bay
One day it started smoking
While used as an ashtray
I took it out into the yard
Into the light of day

The staff all laughed and pointed
As I ran out of the room
I held it out in front of me
I didn’t leave too soon
Then all at once it happened
It fizzled then – KA-BOOM
And ashes, just mere ashes
Are buried in my tomb!

Mdailey

Bomb Sniffing Doggie

Lawmaker seeks to require military to buy U.S.-bred bomb-sniffing dogs only

Bomb Sniffing Doggie


Psst! Over here man
I know there’s a ban
On dogs from outside the U.S.
But this dog’s got a nose
And I’d like to propose
He’s better than all of the rest

He was bred for one thing
Finding bombs – bada-bing
In fact he is hooked on the stuff
Just one snort, he’s off hunting
Just a sniffin and grunting
For explosives, he can’t get enough

I’ve got more in the van
And it’s killing me man
To let you have one at my cost
He’ll find bombs in a minute
A bomb hunt – man, he’ll win it
Without this dog, man, all is lost

Sure they’re bred off in Asia
And their looks sure will faze you
But their abilities aren’t just all bunk
They’ve got ears of a rabbit
And a bad sniffing habit
Their asset’s an elephant’s trunk

They have eyes of a owl
And a wild banshee’s howl
And the speed of the ablest cheetah
They’ve a pouch for their stash
Please no checks – I’ll take cash
I don’t want to be tracked down by PETA


Mdailey
06/06/08

TANG for the 21st Century

With astronauts again in space and in the news, I thought I would pass on this little bit of news. NASA recently unveiled a $250 million machine to be used on the International Space Station that will recycle urine into water for drinking, food preparation and washing. The shuttle Endeavour is scheduled to take the machine to the station this fall before the station's crew doubles next year from three to six members, who will require more water than can be shipped into space.

TANG for the 21st Century

Remember the Tang of your youth
And how astronauts got us to drink it
Well we’ve Tang for the new generation
What’s in it? You don’t want to think it
You see water is scarce up in space
But liquid’s a whole other matter
They gather up all they can get
Every dribble, every drop, every splatter
It’s distilled and filtered to capture
Every particle – lint – even hairs
It’s heated, then cooled then bottled
It’s the new Tang that everyone shares
They say it’s as clean as tap water
They have to say that of course
But it got a big psychological hang up
When you think of this new water’s source

So if water’s your problem for drinking
We’ve a solution that fit to a T
A engineer got it just thinking
Man, do I have to pee!

Mdailey
05/29/08

Water in Iraq

Unsafe Water

The water’s unsafe in Iraq
Contaminated with who knows what Jack
But DoD doesn’t care
As long as it’s there
To wash the dirt off of our back

It’s waste water but here you don’t waste
Its for cleaning but not of your face
It could give you the runs
And red, raw, itchy buns
So it’s water you’d better not taste

Senator Dorgan says the water’s not clear
The IG says there’s nothing wrong here
KBR says the troops
Are not getting the poops
From their water there’s nothing to fear

Carl Levin says the Armed Service Committee
Will check into this nitty-gritty
If the contractor’s at fault
This will come to a halt
And the consequences won’t be all that pretty

Mdailey
03/11/08

A Little Hill in Arlington

There’s a little hill in Arlington
Where no bodies are interred
Yet crosses dot the hillside
And Taps are sometimes heard

Unlike the Unknown Soldier
With “unknowns” in the ground
This little hill in Arlington
Is for soldiers never found

I grew up without a father
He was gone when I was four
Flying for the Air Force
Back in the Korean War

His plane was ore’ the Azores
When communications ceased
The search went on for days and days
They never found a piece

My mother raised four children
Each day she learned to cope
She said until a body’s found
We’d never give up hope
The years went by just waiting
And my mother, bless her soul
Held on until her very end
To a grieving widow’s role

For fifty years we children
Had no resting place for Dad
No gravesite and no marker
No closure ever had

Then on little hill in Arlington
Where no bodies are interred
We raised a simple white cross
Dad’s Taps were finally heard

My big sister got the folded flag
And we all shed the tears
That had been bottled up inside us
For all those fifty years

Now Dad, he has a resting place
With other fallen sons
On a quiet little hillside
Right here in Arlington

Mdailey
01/27/09
I know I posted this on another blog but with Memorial Day tomorrow, it deserves to be posted here on this military centric blog.

Skirting the Issue

From a weekly staff report

STAT # 16 is pursuing a request for information to lower crew compartment operating temperatures on vehicles equipped with gun turrets. Suggestions received to date include a gunner’s skirt, camouflage sun screen and application of insulating material. STAT #16 will also work with a team conducting temperature data study.
----------------------------
The above note came from the talking papers and I am not sure we have thought this all through. I can understand how putting the gunner in a skirt might make him feel a little cooler. And I suppose he will need to put sun screen on those exposed legs to keep from getting a sun burn so camouflage sun screen is probably a good way to go. And I suppose you will need to insulate the metal around his turret so that when he sits down or bends over he does not burn the back of his legs. But what I don't understand is how this is going to lower crew compartment temps - unless the laughter generated by the rest of the crew has some cooling benefit that I simply never noticed before.

Mike - - - - - - - - -
But then I was told to put it in rhyme to bring it up to my standards.

Skirting the Issue


I’m not sure we have thought this all through
This action to cool down the crew
But the team says we need it
So I say we heed it
Now here’s what we’re going to do

We can put that poor guy in a skirt
But the sunburn he’d get would sure hurt
So that’s why the sunscreen
We’ll use Camouflage Green
They think that these actions will work

So the gunner’s legs now are exposed
And the metal’s all hot I suppose
And so he can sit
We will insulate it
For that’s what the team has proposed

But how does this get the crew cool
Sitting below on a stool
Tell me how if you please
Is their laughter a breeze
That works like a new cooling tool

So now you know all that I know
About cooling the crew on the go
The Buck may stop here
But relief must appear
As a cooling breeze from down below

Mdailey
09/20/07

Donkey Launched Rockets

From the “Did you Know File “… “Donkeys are commonly used by the Iraqi Military to launch rockets.”
My reaction - - -

Comments on this I must pass
Even I must react with some class
What I don't understand
Why they don't use a man
I mean - who wants to be shot by an ass!

When a co-worker notified me of a spelling error in an Army press release, I sent him this repsonse - - -

So its spelling you're checking on now
And you think that I care some how
You can continue to bitch - sure
But take in the big picture
Let the details slip by - Holy Cow!

Mdailey
10/22/07

Women in Uniform

I have the highest regard and respect for women in the Service. But sometimes - - - -



Women & Grenades

Women in battle are something to fear
Statistics have shown you don't want to stand near
A gal with grenade with throwing in mind
Can't pull the old pin 2 times out of 9
And those that do pull it and throw it - well then
Can't clear safety zones 4 times out of 10
So if you're in battle and grenades must be thrown
Let the girl keep on shooting - throw one of your own

I don't mean to belittle our women in Service
But women with weapons just make me nervous

Mdailey
12/04/07
============

It may sound like a joke, but this is a serious matter – the German policewoman who came up with the idea said normal bras with underwire or plastic can be dangerous when worn in combination with a bullet-proof vest.

Bullet-Proof Bras


If your bra has underwire
Metal, plastic, you’d expire
When bullets hit your safety vest
And push those hard things in your chest
So German female cops sequester
Bras of cotton, polyester
To wear beneath protective clothing
Though the look is somewhat loathing
They’re changing all their attitudes
To holster and protect their boobs


Mdailey
08/05/08

Sixteen Months

Analysts debate feasibility of Obama's Iraq withdrawal plan
By Sydney J. Freedberg Jr., National Journal
In 2002, a little-known Illinois state senator named Barack Obama launched himself onto the national stage by opposing the invasion of Iraq. As a presidential candidate, Obama laid out a 16-month timeline, starting on Inauguration Day and ending in summer 2010, to withdraw major combat forces from Iraq. The Iraqi government, meanwhile, has insisted on a Status of Forces Agreement calling for a U.S. withdrawal by the end of 2011. With appologies to Tennesee Ernie Ford or whoever wrote the original song - 16 tons.

16 Months

Some people say a man is made out of mud
Well a soldier’s made outta muscle and blood...
Muscle and blood and skin and bone...
It’s been six years and they want to come home.

You wait 16 months and what do you get??
Out of Iraq or still in there yet.
Now people don’t you quote me cause you all know...
It’s just my goal but it’s the Congress’s show

It was born one morning in the back of his mind
He picked up a pencil and he wrote down the lines
He wrote 16 months in the country that’s all
Out of Iraq if I get the call

You wait 16 months and what do you get??
Out of Iraq or still in there yet.
Now people don’t you quote me cause you all know...
It’s just my goal but it’s the Congress’s show

So if you hear the man talking…better step in line
A lot of men didn’t but someday they’ll find
He’s got one way of talking and another of doing
If you ain’t applauding then you’re probably booing

You wait 16 months and what do you get??
Out of Iraq or still in there yet.
Now people don’t you quote me cause you all know...
it’s just my goal but it’s the Congress’s show


Mdailey
12/16/08
===============
This poem was written following a Congressional hearing on the war in Iraq.

Sixteen Months is “doable”

Congress Daily.com / 24 February 2009: Marine Commander Says Iraq Pullout in 16 Months is “doable”

After spending a year in western Iraq
Major General John Kelly said let’s give it back
Like Obama said back in the campaign
16 months and we’re out; there’s no more we can gain
Kelly, commander of multi-national forces
Said he thinks the people have finally changed courses
Out in Anbar province, the big Sunni leaders
Said we’ll listen to voters, not to the bleeders
And these were the guys that thought violence the best
If they’ve change their mind, why not the rest
If violence is out and good governing in
We can leave Iraq and just say that we win
So let’s start withdrawing – 16 months if we can
Move out of Iraq to Afghanistan
There, maybe our tactics will be more divergent
Kindness to most not just death to insurgents
And eventually we can leave these folks alone
And bring all our soldiers finally back home


Mdailey
02/25/09