The Green Zone Pool

Don’t leave your gun by the Green Zone Pool
When cooling off there in Iraq
Keep your gun always
Within your arm’s reach
In case the insurgents attack
And when taking a shower
Or within a bower
Keep your hands on your gun at all times
Though things seem to go well
You can’t never tell
Who or where they’re laying their mines

Mdailey
07/15/08

The title of this verse is from a report out of Iraq on the lax enforcement of the rules on arms control in the war zone. I just liked the sing-song sound of it. I am pretty sure they meant ‘weapon’ where they said gun. But we all know what a “gun” is to the military mind and for those in doubt; a bower can be a cool shady area or a lady’s boudoir in an old castle. Bear all these definitions in mind when reading this verse.

Army Recruits

House panel probes quality of Army recruits


Let us now call to order this House Subcommittee
To discuss Army recruiting and maybe give pity
To all the young folks with just GEDs
That the Army recruiters say meet all their needs
One time the gold standard was that 90 percent
Would graduate high school before they were sent
But the Army was finding they can’t meet that goal
They were falling too deep in a deficit hole
And so they have dropped that high lofty number
Now the number’s not 90 but significantly under
And now we have heard that it isn’t just learning
But the Army it seems is additionally turning
They lowered the quals for physical strength and good morals
And decided that they would just sit on their laurels
So the Armed Services Personnel Subcommittee
Is meeting again in this Pentagon city
And Congressman McHugh from upper New York
Says we all share concerns that this ain’t gonna work
But then David Chu, Under Sec for Defense
Said to just rest assured this will soon all make sense
He suggested the recent drop in recruit quality
That in “historic content” we are better off now then we used to be
Why just after Nam half our recruits were Cat 4
Which is below minimum on recruiting test scores
When questioned about increased moral waivers
Chu said “not for sex – they are just street drug cravers
That’s just a reflection of our society
These guys make good soldiers if you’re asking me
So now the committee can go on their way
They didn’t change things but sure had their say
And the recruits we are getting will just have to do
Till the folks at iRobots can finally come through

Mdailey
2/28/08

Crotch Durability Problems

They say an army travels on its stomach, but it also has to operate by the seat of its pants. And apparently the U.S. Army is having a little problem in that regard. USA Today reports that the Army is retrofitting 1 million uniforms worn by soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan because of reports of "crotch durability problems." Single-stitched seams in sensitive areas just aren't cutting it in the rough terrain in which soldiers are conducting operations.

Single stitch seams in a sensitive place
Can make you look foolish – can make you lose face
Single stitch seams – just what were we thinking
With the strain on the job or material shrinking
Believe it or not when in rough terrain
Parts of the uniform are under some strain
We wiggle and waddle and flop down on the ground
These single stitch seams are a problem we found
Is it rank related? – Well no body knows
But we can’t go around with our privates exposed
We must protect soldiers from their toes to their head
So don’t send them out without needle and thread.

So I sat down at lunch with the General today
Who’s in charge of it all – he had this to say
That story you read – let me just say it’s bogus
They’ve been complaining ‘bout this since the soldiers wore togas
To get wearing like that is all such a farce
Why they must be sliding down mountains sitting just on their arse
Or the uniform is so old or been blasted by sand
I hate when these stories get so out of hand
So don’t listen to those newsmen and the stories that they botch
I tell you we’ve no problem when we're talking 'bout our crotch


Mdailey

I wrote this last year but hear the problem still exists. I actually did have lunch with the 1-star general Program Manager for soldiers and their uniforms and equipment. I did not read him the first part of the poem that I had already written as he was so animated about how bogus the story was.

Grenade Safety Bulletin

Some Soldiers/Ammo Handlers tape grenades in order to keep the pins from coming out until intended. The tape is apparently causing some problems. Please help get the word out to stop the application of tape.


My grenades have got a problem,
The pins keep falling out
I have to grab them quickly
Or toss them out and shout
My squad is getting nervous
And bent completely out of shape
So I've turned to a soldier's oldest friend –
Reliable duct tape

Now my pins are taped up –
Never to come out
My grenades are like a man-made rock –
And safer now no doubt
But my squad is just as nervous
And completely out of shape
'Cause in the latest fire fight
I could not undo the tape

Mdailey
2/12/08

UXO Ashtray

Sometime you have to take a very serious situation and talk about it in a less than grave (no pun intended) wording. I hope no one is offended by my treatment of this very serious incident.


Dateline: Iraq - - - a KBR subcontracted fire-fighter picked up Unexploded Ordnance (UXO)...155mm artillery round.-.brought it back to his office. While using as ashtray, the round started smoking. He took round outside where it detonated, causing his death...no other injuries or property damage. Commanders are re-emphasizing UXO safety briefings to heighten awareness.

UXO Ashtray

I found this round out walking
I brought it home that day
Put it there upon my desk
In our office bay
One day it started smoking
While used as an ashtray
I took it out into the yard
Into the light of day

The staff all laughed and pointed
As I ran out of the room
I held it out in front of me
I didn’t leave too soon
Then all at once it happened
It fizzled then – KA-BOOM
And ashes, just mere ashes
Are buried in my tomb!

Mdailey

Bomb Sniffing Doggie

Lawmaker seeks to require military to buy U.S.-bred bomb-sniffing dogs only

Bomb Sniffing Doggie


Psst! Over here man
I know there’s a ban
On dogs from outside the U.S.
But this dog’s got a nose
And I’d like to propose
He’s better than all of the rest

He was bred for one thing
Finding bombs – bada-bing
In fact he is hooked on the stuff
Just one snort, he’s off hunting
Just a sniffin and grunting
For explosives, he can’t get enough

I’ve got more in the van
And it’s killing me man
To let you have one at my cost
He’ll find bombs in a minute
A bomb hunt – man, he’ll win it
Without this dog, man, all is lost

Sure they’re bred off in Asia
And their looks sure will faze you
But their abilities aren’t just all bunk
They’ve got ears of a rabbit
And a bad sniffing habit
Their asset’s an elephant’s trunk

They have eyes of a owl
And a wild banshee’s howl
And the speed of the ablest cheetah
They’ve a pouch for their stash
Please no checks – I’ll take cash
I don’t want to be tracked down by PETA


Mdailey
06/06/08

TANG for the 21st Century

With astronauts again in space and in the news, I thought I would pass on this little bit of news. NASA recently unveiled a $250 million machine to be used on the International Space Station that will recycle urine into water for drinking, food preparation and washing. The shuttle Endeavour is scheduled to take the machine to the station this fall before the station's crew doubles next year from three to six members, who will require more water than can be shipped into space.

TANG for the 21st Century

Remember the Tang of your youth
And how astronauts got us to drink it
Well we’ve Tang for the new generation
What’s in it? You don’t want to think it
You see water is scarce up in space
But liquid’s a whole other matter
They gather up all they can get
Every dribble, every drop, every splatter
It’s distilled and filtered to capture
Every particle – lint – even hairs
It’s heated, then cooled then bottled
It’s the new Tang that everyone shares
They say it’s as clean as tap water
They have to say that of course
But it got a big psychological hang up
When you think of this new water’s source

So if water’s your problem for drinking
We’ve a solution that fit to a T
A engineer got it just thinking
Man, do I have to pee!

Mdailey
05/29/08